Anais Nin wrote: “Fred criticizes Henry’s reading, his efforts to think, attacks his knowledge of science, interest in movies, in theatre, in philosophy, criticism, biography. A big enough artist can eat anything, must eat everything and then alchemize it. Only the feeble writer is afraid of expansion. Henry is fulfilling a deep necessity: to situate himself, to adopt values, to seek a basis for what he is to build.”

No wonder I relate to Henry Miller’s writing (and Anais’ description of him in her diaries) so much. I take a quick scan of the “on the go” books currently towering on (or piled beside) my bedside table:

The Diary of Anais Nin - Volume One (Anais Nin)
Ideas: A History From Fire To Freud (Peter Watson)
Mediated (Thomas De Zengotita)
Critical Path (R. Buckminste Fuller)
Tropic Of Cancer (Henry Miller)
Albert Speer: His Battle With Truth (Gitta Sereny)
Creative Mythology: The Masks of God (Joseph Campbell)
Cocaine (Lester Grinspoon, James Bakalar)
The Odyssey (Homer)
The Decline and Fall Of The Roman Empire (Edward Gibbon)
1815: The Return Of Napoleon (Paul Britten Austin)
What Is Life? (Erwin Schrodinger)
Naked Lunch (William Burroughs)
The Elegant Universe (Brian Greene)
Space Ship Earth (Barbara Ward)
American Scream: The Bill Hicks Story (Cynthia True)
Relativity (Albert Einstein)
The Origin Of Species (Charles Darwin)
Swann’s Way (Marcel Proust)
Dune (Frank Herbert)
The Little White Trip (Peter Joseph Gallagher)
The Diamond Age (Neal Stephenson)
Culture Jam (Kalle Lasn)
Leaving Microsoft To Change The World (John Wood)
Emergence (Steven Johnson)
Eleanor Of Aquitaine (Alison Weir)
Symmetry and the Monster (Mark Ronan)
We The Media (Dan Gillmor)
Einstein A Life (Denis Brian)

I’m not an artist. I’m not a writer. What am I seeking? What am I building for? Why the desperation to understand, to comprehend, to leave no gaps? My shrink has always said the size of the pile of books I have on the go is in indirect proportion to the state of my self-esteem. But I don’t feel that bad at the moment. Perhaps it’s an indication of some other hole. A lack of a tertiary education? I’ve always felt that I am preparing for something. But what? This? TPN? Perhaps. Let’s face it, being able to talk into a microphone about whatever you like is a pretty good job for someone obsessed with reading about ideas. But is there something else? I wish I knew what was driving me, compelling me.

I spent a couple of hours with Peter Ellyard during the week and I learned more from him in that time than I think I’ve learned from all of the books I’ve read in the last few months. The only problems with that is that 1) I come away from those chats with Peter feeling bad that I didn’t record his stream of consciousness so I could share it with all of you (we’re working on that by the way) and 2) I come away with another list of books I feel I have to read as long as the list above. Everything by Jung. Something on Wagner (Peter’s an opera nut).

So many books yet to read, so little time. Oh to be able to just jack Wikipedia into my pre-frontal cortex.

******

ABC”s “All In The Mind” podcast this week is particularly brilliant - “You are not your brain scan! Critical reporting on the mind sciences.” Join Natasha Mitchell at the World Conference of Science Journalists with award-winning science journalists Deborah Blum (USA) and Jonica Newby, and Professor Fred Mendelsohn, Director of the Howard Florey Institute.

There is some terrific conversation about the brain, nuture vs nature, and the ethics around how we use our new knowledge. One particular quote about free will which amused me: “You have to keep acting like free will exists, otherwise what’s the point of being alive?”

Amazing to me how even researchers who realize free will doesn’t exist still cling to the myth of it. Trust me folks - I’ve been living without the myth of free will for 20 years and I didn’t cease to exist.

…. or did I??

******

Oh. My. God. I finally got around to watching OVERNIGHT, the documentary about Troy Duffy, the writer/director of The Boondock Saints. I *love* this guy. He makes me look sane. And I am convinced that Jeremy Piven used this documentary to prepare for playing Ari Gold. This guy is the Ari prototype. OVERNIGHT is the story of a 25 year old bartender, Duffy, who sells his first screenplay (Saints) to Miramax boss Harvey Weinstein in 1997. The deal makes history. Duffy is supposed to get $300,000 for the screenplay, a $15 million budget for the film which he will direct (has has NO training or experience), he also gets final cut, etc. In addition, his band, The Brood, will record the soundtrack AND, this is the best bit, Harvey will buy the bar in West Hollywood where Duffy was working and co-own it with Duffy.

The Hollywood dream. And then it all goes wrong. Somehow, and this isn’t really depicted in the film (legal trouble from Harvey?), the relationship with Harvey goes sour. And then EVERYTHING falls apart. The way the film depicts it (produced from the very beginning by his friends, one of whom has the dubious name of Tony Montana), Troy turns out to be an ego on steroid. Self confidence coming out of his pores. Imagine me - times 1000. Un-fucking-believable.

Miramax puts the film into turnaround, the band’s deal with Madonna’s Maverick label falls through, and through all this Troy’s ego inconceivably gets even bigger and more out of control.

Finally, several years later, the film gets made by another production company, for half the original budget. And you know what? It’s actually pretty damn good. I really enjoyed it. Billy Connolly, Willem Dafoe (over the TOP, but no more than he was in Spiderman), it’s a great Irish gangster film, could have been the prototype for Scorsese’s THE DEPARTED, if he hadn’t already ripped it off (sorry, REMADE it) from the far superior INFERNAL AFFAIRS.

The film goes to Cannes, and NO ONE will touch it, out of fear of Harvey. It is eventually shown on one screen for one week then dumped.

The soundtrack album that the band makes, sells 790 copies in 6 months and then they are dumped by their label.

The band breaks up.

There is an attempt on Troy’s life and he goes into hiding.

THEN… the postscript is that the film eventually became something of a hit on DVD (Wikipedia says it’s done about $30 mill), HOWEVER… the deal that Duffy’s agent did with the distributor cut him out of any profit participation in international or DVD.

An unbelievable story.

Here’s the thing though - Duffy has HUGE talent. His hubris is probably warranted. He was a bartender for crying out loud and he wrote and directed a bloody good film.

Imagine what he could do online? With no Harvey Weinstein pulling the strings, a guy like Duffy could yet have his day in the sun. I believe we haven’t seen the end of Troy Duffy.

Troy, if you’re reading this, get in touch dude. We should talk.

Just discovered that Troy is still working it hard. He is leaving messages like this one on YouTube and keeping people up to date on his website. Sounds like 20th Century Fox finally gave the film the cinema release it deserved. I wonder how it did?

*******

This entry was posted on Saturday, May 5th, 2007 at 12:30 pm and is filed under Australian media, Cam's World, science. You can follow any responses to this entry through the feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.